Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Shake, schwag and roll



Shake.

Just read an article in Serious Eats that declared Shake Shack to be the best fast food burger in the land. I had a shake the other day at Smash Burger that give me brain freeze. Sang Shake My Sillies Out in my head while watching the kids play along with the song at story time. What is the big deal with shake?

I had to do my librarian best yesterday after that word came up in dispensary search. Found a shop in Denver, Ballpark Holistic Dispensary, that would sell me an ounce of shake at 69 bucks (with a coupon in hand, mind you). I had to wonder if it was any kind of a deal. Been a long time since I’ve held an ounce of shake in my hand. Was it worth the drive, was it worth the cash layout, but more importantly, was it worth the bother?

That’s where this study of shake comes in. Here I am, in the land of really great, knockout fresh, locally grown and completely legal bud, and I had to wonder, why would anyone out there want to be burn a doobie of shake anymore? My reporter’s mind was curious. I personally have no issue with shake, loved it as a lad, bought it when it was around but still, with all the other practices going on now, from vaping flowers to chewing up edibles to firing up chunks of concentrates in those cool looking sci-fi rigs, why would anyone want to go back in time and mess about with such a dubious, unknown factor? What, my squirrel wheel mind wants to know, truly lurks in those discount bags? Is it the leftovers from the bottom of a budtender’s jar or is it the sweepings off the trimming room floor?



One of the wonderful things about living here in Colorado are the weed advertisements scattered across the back pages of the local free newspapers. Looking at those ads you can be assured that everyone here along the Front Range has the best cannabis in town at the best prices. Some days I wish I had the time, the cash and the determination to find out who really has the best mota in the Denver region, just so I could quit salivating over the thought of trying out all that weed from all those shops. In the meantime, I know that with all the weed that's out there there has to be an abundance of leavings from the cutting room tables. Then again, what do I know? But what I want to know is what happens with all the scraps? Sure, there is a raging market out there for oils, butters, waxes, dabs, keif, hash and any number of assorted edibles. Like the foodie movement, there is not part of the plant that is wasted. And yes, this is a seed to plant to consumer kind of place, no speck of weed goes unseen. So where does the bulk of that shake end up? And who gets it? Does it go into a bulk mota warehouse where folks come in and buy it by the bag full? If so, where do I sign up as that kind of bargain shopping is right up my alley.

Count me in as a somewhat cheap bastard when it comes to dope. I know, I know, high quality, top shelf weed costs big bucks. Who wouldn't like to be able to lay out high dollars for high class weed every time? But what about those times when just a bag of shake around the house will do? To have around, not so much to get wasted on but to have handy for quick bowl loads or to practice rolling joints so that when we are called upon to roll a most delicious looking bomber in the universe for those big deal shindigs we can do it with ease and a decided lack of embarrassment? What I want to know, before I go out there in those mile high snow drifts and lay down my hard earned cash for a bag of shake, is it worth the bother? I think at 69 bucks I have little to lose but is it worth it, high wise?



I have to think, yes. If it's for daily use, not special events, why not? I am still the kind of man who seeks out his favorites and is willing to spend good money on things I want or hold dear. I still have my long burning jones for land race strains and get very excited when I stumble into a shop and they have something on the menu I have been seeking out for a while (hence my child like joy on New Year’s Eve when I fell upon a jar of Colombian Gold in the Bud Depot on a very cold night in Lyons, CO. What a thrill! Even if isn’t brown and golden and hairy as I remember it being way back when). Pardon me, I digress. I think there is room in a stoners’ heart, and stash box, for a big fat container of ground down fun, just like there is room in his mota pantry for a box of righteously delicious cannabis chocolates, a tube of non-BHO oil and a nice round ball of quality hashish. 

As for schwag, well, long time no see, stranger. I did a through search on line in Google Images just to see what's happening out there ins schwagland these days. What blew my mind was the incredible wealth of terminology that I was unfamiliar with. Good dope has changed all the rules, has radically changed the way we look at common, outdoor grown bulk weed. I know that there was a time I might has sold a kidney just to get a baggie worth of dirt weed, but back then we didn't call it dirt weed, we called it grass and were happy to be able to get ahold of it. Times have changed and so has the quality, color and consistency of our mota. I am pleased to be part of these new times.

I will not be out there in the hood, seeking out black market mota any time soon, but if I could, and if it was around, I would love to be able to lay my hands on some of that 70' era mota. Where are the Colombian Golds, the Panama Reds, the Oaxacan, the Thai, the Hawaiian sativas of my youth? I am not looking for brown dirt weed, but a baggie for 40 bucks filled with seedy, stem laden Colombian herby goodness wouldn't be a bad thing. No schwag there. I suppose it's what you would call "middie" these days.



I suppose a drive is in order, then, just for the sport of it. I love my buds but just can't see spending 16 to 20 bucks a gram on nice flower just to bust it up for joints. I think having that ounce of shake in my stash box is what this man needs around the house, if anything, just to build those lovely, old school fatties. Rough trim, nah, no leaves, please. Just the shake from the bottom of the bud jar will do.

Salud!


Great beginners guide to getting high!

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